Wishful Thinking

December 27, 2010

I want to put you on a pedestal,
so that I may sing to you high praises,
but I do not have the voice.
I want to tell you the greatness you bring,
so that I may know the joy you bring me,
but I do no have the words.
I want to pull you near and hold you tight,
so that you may share the peace I have found,
but I do not have you.


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November 19, 2010

Found these amongst some old stuff, posting for posterity:

February 2008 “Drift”
From nothing, we built this illusion.
It holds up little, but keeps us moving just the same.
Every day becomes practice in futility,
these results just aren’t what we hoped for.
We do what we want,
but we do not get what we desire.

Sometimes what you want,
Is just what you need.

January 2009 “Reflections”
A time when things were simple. A time when things were easy.
Things are still easy, but simplicity has faded.
Ease becomes a strain, difficulty changes form.

Everything once so warm, turns blue around the edges;
turns cold with time.
You said your body was young but your mind was old.
Words known for years,
meaning known only now.

Some day in the future,
I will protect, I will hide from their eyes the truth,
I will pretend all is warm again.
I will pretend there are no rough edges,
no sharp traps, no hidden messages.
I will watch the lie fade again.

Until then:
Sit in silence,
listen to the echoes;
Search for the lost sun.

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November 19, 2010

This smoldering pot
rattles and shakes.
This clattering lid
cannot hold that which stews.
This simmering rage
burns like a fire in my mouth,
aching to spill out.
My one regret boils over
but it cannot extinguish the flame;
Your sin most ugly
fuels my fire.
To excise you from my mind,
is my one desire.


November 1, 2010

As I look over my shoulder
at the paths I have traveled,
I see the bridges I have crossed
are broken and fallen.

Over the long years
that which has not been intentionally burnt,
has succumbed to age and neglect.

I can look back at the ground I have covered,
but my only direction can be forward.
Searching for home,
searching for you.

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October 20, 2009

Do those who have tasted death no longer fear it?

When I was very young, I drowned while in a pool with no lifeguard on duty. There was only one other person in the pool, and my grandma was on the side watching.

I don’t remember feeling any fear or anxiety about dying during or afterward. As it happened, the other swimmer happened to be a lifeguard.

Strange how things work out…

Life went on as usual, but somehow was more vivid. I became more observant. I remember watching trees and bushes move with the wind, not trying to understand, but to see it for what it was.

I feel like somehow this is part of why I don’t have the drive for material goods like most people do. I don’t see the point in collecting anything that will be gone when I am. Or at the very best, useless to have collected. I merely seek to be enjoyable. My grand ambition is to enjoy life.

I think I do alright.

You are your own maker

October 4, 2009

Is it possible that knowing every minute detail about the world only distracts us from seeing the truth? If we keep our eyes focused outwards, we will never look in.

Without looking past discomfort, we can never find true comfort. Looking to the west will not make the east disappear. The sun rises without regard for your desires.

To look upwards for salvation will accomplish nothing. There is no lord above. The image of God is in mind only. Man has put his image unto many forms. The Christian cross and the Egyptian Ankh are some obvious examples. And yet few people recognize the god that lies within. You are your own maker.

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September 27, 2009

Like burning stars stars in the darkest night, the gaze of those who have awakened burn into your eyes. They are the ones who don’t look away when you pass them on the street. They are the ones who reflect what you are when your eyes connect.

Remembering those who walked by, supposed islands in a sea of anonymity, pretending to hear nothing, to see nothing. You call to them, but no answer, for nothing reaches past their ears. Nothing exists.
Someday, there might be a seed planted.
Today is not that day.

I hardly knew you, but your impact is lasting. Like an asteroid that has exploded into dust, we will never know what it would be like had we stayed as we were, only what we are now.
One day, you will be forgotten, but your scars will not.